. . . what would it be? The question was recently posed on Reddit's "Pets" subreddit, and though you'll have guessed a lot of them, some of them are funnier, sweeter, and more overall entertaining (and sweary, so don't say I didn't warn you).
"Please stop eating stuff before you have assessed what it is."
"I miss you..."
"To my geckos: please don't poop on me."
Excellent. Have a read. What would you tell yours?